?

Log in

Haha, Universe...haha....

I really need to stop having weird dreams. This one I blame on Nic, though. Before I fell asleep she told me she had been electrocuted by our broken antenna. In my dream, my whole family was over at my aunt’s house, and for some reason I went outside and was messing with some outlet that was, for some inexplicable reason, was in my aunt’s front yard by the road. I managed to electrocute myself and burn my arm at the elbow pretty badly. When I finally showed people inside, they weren’t too concerned, though they did mention something about trying to decide if I needed a doctor or not.

Today, while I was at the store with my mom, walking around, I realized that maybe the wonderful pain-free November wasn’t so wonderful after all. Maybe it was just another way for the universe to mess with me. I had forgotten what it was like to walk with my muscles feeling weird and my right knee having a strange sensation like it needs to be popped. I forgot about the attempts to get it to do so for some form of relief, the bending and stretching and turning and flexing the joint to try to make it behave. I forgot that sometimes it worked and sometimes it made it worse. Nearly three years I had dealt with all of the issues whatever this is came with and had gotten so used to it that I hardly noticed when I would limp or be slightly uncomfortable just from standing there. Now that I have been free of that for a whole month, I’m having to get used to it again. Now just sitting here I notice when my muscles feel odd, and I’m remembering that sometimes my calf muscles feel oddly sore as though they just got done having a charlie-horse even though no such thing happened. I’ve told people before that the universe hates me. I count this as a large piece of evidence that I am right.

In happy news, before I passed out earlier today (I was going to stay up until late evening and then pass out, but my mom telling me it was okay to take a short nap kind of ruined that, not that it’s really her fault but rather my dumb brain saying it must be done if it was given permission to do so) I had a sort of idea for a short story. It really just started with one sentence randomly popping into my head, but often that’s all it takes. Maybe if I write it I’ll share it with my lovely readers.

Pain, a Movie, and a Dream

Hey there, folks. Looks like it’s nearly one in the morning for me and I’m still awake. Am I going to go to sleep? Probably not for another couple hours. Oh well. I might as well write one of these journal things in the meantime.

Last entry I mentioned that I was probably going to just post a couple sentences about the kind of pain I’ve been experiencing at the end of my posts. Well, last night/early morning (being the end of Dec 1st and the beginning of Dec 2nd), I started experiencing the old type of pain I was having back before it got as bad as it was in October. This, after the lovely, almost pain free November made it hard for me to go to sleep even though I was pretty tired. It started out, after my last entry, with a few more aches in my thigh, and then it was just an odd tight feeling in the muscles and a strange feeling when I walked. Then there was a small area of pain on the right side of my right leg that hurt every time I walked and when I would run my fingers over the area. Later, a spot on the backside of my right hip began to hurt for no reason. This is a spot that’s hurt off and on only for about a year now. I think I read somewhere that it’s one of those pressure points on the body where you could hurt anyone if you press there. It’s not supposed to hurt on it’s own though, obviously. Laying down to sleep was a bit difficult, as I usually lay with some pressure on my right leg and as that’s the one that hurts most it made it ache off and on throughout the night.

I actually haven’t experienced much pain since I woke up, just the old familiar feeling in my right knee like it’s been in one odd position for too long. I’m missing November, even though it was a really stressful month for me. I’m hoping this isn’t an omen about December being a tough month.

In other news, we bought The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian today. My mother still hasn’t seen it, but we’ll have her watch it on Thursday. I still haven’t gotten a call back from CiCi’s yet (I applied last Monday at the new location on 72nd). Tomorrow I’m going to wake up early, find a number for one of the other locations, and see if they know who I should call the check in on the application. It would be nice to get a job there. It would be an easy place to get to and from, even if I don’t get a ride. I really need a job right now.

Also, I had an odd, vivid dream that I keep thinking back on. All I really remember about it was that I was here in the house and so was my sister, Nic, and we looked out the window into the backyard and there were three wolves and one of them had caught a kitten. For some reason we thought it was important enough to save the kitten that we ran down to the basement to the backdoor and opened the door. We didn’t go outside, though, since we realized the wolves would tear us apart. They looked like regular grey wolves, but they weren’t. The one that had the kitten started to tear at the little thing’s ear, and in a panic I randomly decided to howl at them to get their attention and maybe give the kitten a chance to run away. I did get their attention and apparently they were very angry about whatever I was howling. All three of them rushed me and I couldn’t get the basement door shut in time. They got in, but I can’t remember what happened after that. I don’t know why this dream is one of those that just keeps coming back to my mind in the same vivid detail it was in when I first woke up. I just keep thinking maybe the wolves were werwolves? I don’t know what this could apply to, or if I could even try to use it for a story like most of my other vivid dreams can be used. I’ll have to think on it for a while.

Well, we’re putting on Prince Caspian now and I’ve run out of things to say once again. I need to get writing again soon. It’s never any good to go long without writing. Maybe I’ll try editing what I have of my NaNo novel, or I could once again try to write a story for posting on the internet as I write it. If I do that, I might get a separate LJ just for that. I don’t know. That’s another thing I’ll have to think about.

Until next time.

This Is Me

I generally hate the required introduction portion of starting blogs or journals or whatever that someone else might read. I never know exactly what to say and anything I do try to say sounds pretty lame, especially when I compare it to the introductions my friends have made about themselves. However, since I participated in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, the single most insane month of the year in which authors all over the world attempt to write out a 50,000 word novel in a mere thirty days) last month, I wrote up a mini-bio that I think does a pretty good job of summing up my life in a half a dozen sentences.

“[Cara] was born in Tennessee, but soon moved to Texas to have a fairly happy and uneventful childhood. At the age of ten, after the death of her father, she moved to Omaha, NE, where life has been equally uneventful, though not always so happy. She spent a long five months living in Chicago in the winter and spring of 2007, which made her realize she hates cold more than she thought possible. She's currently a floundering college student who would really be much happier sitting in a room typing on her computer all day.

If you happen to meet her, don't be surprised if she appears to be half asleep. Due to insomnia, she probably is.”

One thing should be amended: I am currently a twenty-year-old unemployed college student who doesn’t go to college. Due to financial aid issues with my school, I didn’t get the money I was supposed to for the last quarter and had to buy books on a credit card, which completely destroyed what little wiggle room my family had financially. Since the school still hadn’t processed my paperwork by the end of that quarter, I’m not risking the same thing happening this quarter. As far as I can tell, I should be fine, financial aid wise, to return to school in the spring. In the meantime, I am trying to find a full time job so that we don’t end up on the streets. I’m also attempting to continue my writing.

If you take a peek at my user info, you might notice that I joined LJ near the end of October. I was planning on using this thing to document my NaNo progress, but I didn’t get around to making an introduction post and after the first week of November I was behind on my word count, so I wasn’t going to let myself just write away on here when I should be writing on my novel. By the end of the month I only had 19,240 words (if you look up the username Patient Zero, the NaNoWriMo website will tell you 19,010, but that’s only because it is evil and said that the month was over a minute before my laptop did), but I had a second goal of simply writing only on one story idea for the whole month. I succeeded in that, so not reaching 50,000 words isn’t so bad in my mind. I plan on getting there next time.

Let’s see, what else? Oh yes. I’m going to use this LJ as a random ‘whatever-is-on-my-mind’ type journal, so if you keep up with this you’ll probably see a lot of rants about things I find irritating or that anger me, rants about things that excite me, random sleep-deprived babblings, good news and bad news, and perhaps, if I’m brave enough, little snippets about my writing.

I’m also planning on using this as a sort of medical journal. I have a nice collection of health issues, most of which I’ve never gone to a doctor for and one of which has so far stumped both my doctor (affectionately nicknamed The Mad Doctor) and an orthopedic surgeon. Mostly I’ll just leave a sentence or two at the bottom of my entries noting what sort of pain I’ve had today and where it was located, since the one problem I have gone to the doctor for is random, unexplained pain, mostly in my legs, and I’ve had it for about three years now. I figure if I can collect a few month’s worth of notes as to how it’s going from day to day The Mad Doctor will be able to more easily get an idea of what’s wrong. Perhaps if I get this issue dealt with, I’ll be more apt to talk about the other problems (having money to pay for the doctor’s visits would help convince me to go in as well).

If I get bored and have free time on my hands, I may make a long, wordy entry detailing the history of my medical issues, probably most likely the leg pain. For now, I’ll just add that October was a horrible month for me in that regard, but November was actually very, very nice.

So, yeah, this is me. Take it or leave it. If you don’t like what I babble about, tough. Read a different journal. If you have a comment, leave it, so long as it’s not just nonsensical raging hate. If you disagree with me about something I rant about, go ahead and let me know, just be calm and tell me why you disagree. Civil posters will, in general, be read and responded to. Morons will be ignored.

{My pain today: Mild-moderate pain, central top/front side of right thigh, mid-afternoon for about three minutes, not helped by moving the leg. Shortly after, similar pain experienced in the same location on left thigh, but only for about thirty-to-forty seconds and a little more mild.}